


we make it up (as we go)

by gemerenchang



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Police, Character Death of Howard and Maria Stark, Clint Barton Has Issues, Clint has absolutely no plans for his life whatsoever, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 04:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemerenchang/pseuds/gemerenchang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is seventeen and he had his future planned out.</p>
<p>Clint is seventeen and he has absolutely no idea what to do with his life</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why the fuck not

**Author's Note:**

> I have no fucking idea how a american universities work and if they're the same or different from my country.

Tony is seventeen and he had his future planned out. He had it all planned. Not by him, no. By his parents, the shareholders and the society.

He would work under the tutelage of his father, date a nice young woman from a good family then marry her and after that, when the time is right, he would step up as the new CEO of Stark Industries. His life is a story that someone else wrote, the plot arranged carefully and he had no say about it.

Clint is seventeen and he has absolutely no idea what to do with his life. But, at least, he knows he can do whatever he wants.

 

//

 

Tony does whatever he wants anyway, much to his parents' disappointment. He drinks, he fucks around, blows things up and breaks several laws (most of them at the same time). If it weren’t because of the fact that he is a Stark and Stark Industries have excellent lawyers, he would have been in jail.

It's funny, he thinks, that with enough money, a person could get away with anything.

 

//

 

Clint needs money. That much is true. He needs them for rent, food, utilities - you know, things that humans need in order to survive.

So he works as a bike messenger on weekends whenever he doesn't have classes and spends the rest of the time smoking marijuana.

That is how he meets Natasha Romanoff, scary cop extraordinaire.

 

//

 

"That was a pretty stupid move you made there, dealing in broad daylight without looking around for cops." She tells him, her voice a monotonous drone but her eyes are alight with amusement. They are in an alley, where she dragged him. That woman is damn strong.

"Then why don't you arrest me?" Clint grumbles, feeling extraordinarily young under her amused gaze. Hell, he is young, he realizes immediately. Only a few months shy from 21. Fuck, he’s going to jail – on drug posession, out of all things.

Aww, man.

"Because you're young and you're dumb, I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to let you go.” There is a God, somewhere, Clint thinks but Scary Cop continues on: “If I see you again anywhere near a drug, I'm taking your ass in and put you in the same cell with a guy who thinks showering is the way of the devil. Trust me when I say I make it sound funnier than it really is." She's not joking. Scary Cop is not joking and yeah, Clint doesn't really want 'possession of illegal drugs' on his record.

He nods, she smirks, they say their goodbyes. By goodbye, he really means him nodding to everything she says and she does the sign thing where it means she’s watching him.

The next day Clint sees her take down a man that is twice her size without breaking a sweat when he's delivering a package to the neighbor. She says hi brazenly when she spots him, while handcuffing Mr. 6'3'.

That is how Clint and Natasha becomes bros.

 

//

 

Tony has ass-kissers in an abundance. Friends, not so much. There's Rhodey, and there's also Steve. Tony doesn't know why he attracts the honest and patriotic ones but he's stuck with them. They hate his guts, he hates theirs, and they try to minimize the damages he leaves in his wake and he tries not to take over world just to see if he can.

He loves them, he really does, and he's pretty sure they love him too, but simply just cannot measure up. They're noble and kind and he's just not.

And then he meets Loki.

Oh, yeah, Loki.

Rhodey and Steve mourn the day Tony meets Loki.

 

//

 

Clint mourns the day of his graduation. He took criminology just because. There's no rhyme and reason. He sucks at science and he sucks at art, he sucks at pretty much everything. Criminology was something he pulled out of his ass when his Elaine, his last foster mother, called him to ask if he finally decided on a major.

Years later, he still doesn't know what the fuck he's going to do with his life

After his graduation, Tasha hands him an application form for New York Police Academy. All Clint can think of is 'why not?'.

Why not indeed.


	2. Pile of Dicks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In his defense, it’s a beautiful ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is consistency in writing? I am unfamiliar with that concept.

If Tony is a pile of dicks, then Loki is a crazy bag of cats.

Loki Laufeyson is the adopted son of Odin of Odin Corporations. They're pretty much Stark Industries' rivals.

Howard and Odin despise each other but whenever they are seen together on one of those high class parties, they would smile and clap on each other’s backs like they’re old pals.

Their parents absolutely disapprove of their friendship, and they never really hide their disapproval. To Tony and Loki, it was all the more reason to be friends and fuck each other, because hey, it's not like the lack of approval was anything new.

Loki is a brand of diva and crazy that Tony can only aspire to be. Before meeting Loki, Tony thought he was fucked up but meeting Loki is an eye-opener to the world of fucked up rich kids. There was one time that Loki set fire one of the Odin Corporations jet. But then Tony meets Wanda Maximoff, the heiress of Magneto Inc. and _that_ had Tony reset the standard of crazy.

Tony kinda prefers to stay away from her. He can’t deal with that. Nope.

Together, the two of them blew more things up, break more laws, get drunk and drive their merry way into a road called Self-Destruction.

Then-

Then Tony's parents died. They died.

A lot of people came. The casket were closed. Obie said a few words, Tony pretends to be drunk and wears dark shades to cover up his red eyes. Loki didn’t even turn up. Probably passed out in his penthouse, getting high. Steve and Rhodey are at his sides, both of them in their dress uniforms, looking dashing and dignified as they watch Howard and Maria Stark's caskets are lowered down to the ground while Tony leans on them for support, as his knees are weak for some reason.

After the funeral, he stares into the mirror of his bathroom and he thinks _what now genius?_

That night, Tony drinks more than he normally does in a bar somewhere really expensive with a lot of people with sticks up their ass. Tony tells them to fuck off and fuck themselves with their condolences.

Also, that night he gets pulled over and fails the breathalyser spectacularly. It lights up like a Christmas tree. Officer Clint Barton wonders if he should send Tony Stark to the hospital instead of spending the night in the cell. His partner, Officer Natasha Romanoff seems to think that he’s fine, because apparently he’s been drunker than this and emerged victorious with a mediocre hangover. Tony agrees while drunkenly implies that Stark men have been gifted with exceptional liver.

So into the back of the cruiser and into a cell Tony goes, sharing it with a guy that obviously believes that showers are the creation of Satan. He drunkenly babbles throughout the whole thing, hitting on Natasha, Clint, Coulson, Natasha again and even Fury.

When he finally sat down on the bench, Tony thinks of calling Rhodey. Or maybe Steve. Or his lawyers. But tonight, a cell in the NYPD – which smells of piss and sweat - is better than an empty mansion.

 

//

 

In NYPD, everyone there has arrested Tony Stark at least once. This is Clint's first time. It feels like a rite of passage. However, Natasha has arrested Stark more than she bothered to count. NYPD police officers have a weird relationship with Stark. They all hate him enough and they all like him in that way one can like a stray cat that keeps coming over for free food. He's a confusing arrogant narcissistic bastard with a wicked sense of humor and charm. Natasha thinks so, but Clint knows if she was given a chance to kick him in the ass, she would.

_"Officer Romanoff!" Stark crows as he’s being led into the back of the cruiser. "Long time no see. I was heartbroken, you know. I thought you didn't like me. Officer Sitwell was the one who arrested me last time. He wasn’t as good as you when it comes to a good karate chop. You ace in that, Officer Romanov. I think I still have that bruise you gave me three weeks ago.”_

_“Just a bruise? I might be getting slow.” Natasha says, looking terribly unimpressed as she settles into the driver’s seat. She waits until Clint pulls on the seat-belt before backing up the car._

_He grins, “probably getting old,” and turns to Clint before Natasha can reply. “And who is this, Officer? Never seen him around before. Rookie?” And he makes a show of checking Clint’s arms out. “Everyone in this goddamn precinct is so good-looking, how is that possible. Aren’t you cops supposed to be middle aged men, eating donuts all the time.”_

_“Whatever TV show you’re watching Mr. Stark, you need to stop.” Clint says, unable to hold himself back.  
_

_“Oh, sweetheart, I wouldn’t need a TV show if I got you to show me a good time.” Stark leers and Clint has to say, that is definitely the worse pick-up line he ever heard._

_Clint sees a hint of a smile on Tasha’s lips. He thinks that in a different world, they would be better friends._

_But then Stark threw up and Clint groans while Tasha has a pinch in her forehead. In another alternate universe with a different timeline and alternate personalities then._

_//_

 

Tony calls Steve in the morning. He doesn’t call Rhodey because Rhodey has a life – shocking, actually, that – and Steve doesn’t. (Steve does have a life but Tony is in denial of that. He’s dating someone and Tony refuses to acknowledge that until Steve introduces them.)

Which Tony realises is a bad idea because Steve looks at him sadly, with his blue eyes, shining with pain. If he called Rhodey, he would bitch. Bitching is better.

“I don’t wanna hear it.” Tony says, not looking at his best friend in the eye.

“Wasn’t gonna say anything.” Steve says back. Which is a lie, but he ignores everyone as Steve deals with the NYPD about his release.

Before he goes, he manages to leer at Clint’s ass.

In his defense, it’s a beautiful ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it. OMG, I updated.

**Author's Note:**

> When I will finish this? No fucking clue.
> 
> My tumblr is [zhangnairong](http://zhangnairong.tumblr.com/)


End file.
